Jonathan Gold on eating live octopus tentacles

"For the first time I appreciated the strategic importance of the sesame oil–salt dip—not just because it tasted good, which it did, but because the suckers on the tentacles are still fully functional, and the coating of slippery oil prevents them from maintaining their death grip on your tongue."

This is not a joke

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

In case of fire...

Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes

Translation:
"If you can read this, you are over-educated."

I'm still planning on washing my hands

From The Economist:

"PUBLIC displays of untidiness, such as graffiti, may promote bad behaviour, but when it comes to personal cleanliness the opposite appears to be true. A study just published in Psychological Science by Simone Schnall of the University of Plymouth and her colleagues shows that washing with soap and water makes people view unethical activities as more acceptable and reasonable than they would if they had not washed themselves."

Thank goodness for Yahoo! Answers

Religious saying of the day

"Google can't satisfy every search."

Math

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "You're all idiots,"and pours two beers.

My last thoughts on the election

Back from China...

Peanut Butter Moment

A friend called me today.  She was in a store that was selling $14 peanut butter and wanted to know if I wanted her to buy it for me.

The slogan on the jar said, "We started with nuts. Then we went crazy!"

It's nice to have friends who know what you appreciate.

A modest proposal

Following the passage of California Proposition 8, which outlaws gay marriage, I am readying my own California voter proposition for 2012.

It is clear that we need to level the playing field, so that homosexuals have the same rights as heterosexuals.

It is equally clear that the California people have spoken: homosexuals should not be allowed to marry.

My solution? Outlaw marriage entirely. Not only would it make us all equal, life would be much more fun.

The election race I was watching

Take the high road

When officials asked for the Welsh translation of a road sign, they thought the reply was what they needed.

Unfortunately, the e-mail response to Swansea council said in Welsh: "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated".

So that was what went up under the English version which barred lorries from a road near a supermarket.

"When they're proofing signs, they should really use someone who speaks Welsh," said journalist Dylan Iorwerth.

Money vs. Time

From a recent interview with artist Damien Hirst, who just completed a price record setting auction of his works:

Q: Is it more important to give time or money?
A: I don't have enough time at the moment. I don't even do my own paintings.

Who will be the next president?

The Shoe Bomber Remembered

In the current issue of The Atlantic,  Jeffrey Goldberg writes about how easy it is to circumvent the TSA's security systems. You can read the article he wrote here: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200811/airport-security

I wrote Mr. Goldberg the following letter.

                                                                                 * * * 

Dear Mr. Goldberg:

Up until today, my least favorite person on earth was the shoe bomber.  I hate him not because he attempted to smuggle a bomb in his shoes, but rather because I now have to take my shoes off at every airport checkpoint in the world.

Now, however, you are my least favorite person in the world.

It is obvious to anyone with a fourth grade education that the airport security system does not work.  It is there to make passengers feel better about flying.  Ultimately, anyone who wants to kill a lot of people can do it.  That's one of the problems and risks of living in a free society.  The good news is, the odds of any one of us being that person who dies at the hands of terrorists is pretty darn low.

As a result of the self-evident things which you have written in your article, I am sure that 300 bureaucrats at the TSA will go on special assignment to start trying to block these gaping security holes.  No matter what their efforts, there will be new gaping holes which they will not block.  But, every passenger who goes through airport security will now be subject to an even more irritating and unnecessary process. And it's all your fault.

Mr. Goldberg, I will rue your name every time I have to pass through the new "improved" airport security system.  As far as I'm concerned, you are just as bad as the shoe bomber.

On marriage...

"This financial crisis is worse than divorce.  I've lost half of my money and I still have my wife."

Accounting for Zero

"The left side of the balance sheet has nothing right and the right side of the balance sheet has nothing left. But they are equal to each other. So accounting-wise we are fine." 

-- AIG Vice Chairman Jacob Frenkel

Inflation

On Sept. 8, 99 Cents Only said it will raise prices for the first time ever, citing inflation. Prices will go to 99.99 cents, from 99 cents.

I love kids...

...but it's hard to finish a whole one.

My teeth are so clean....

...you could eat off of them.

The milk of human kindness

A Swiss restaurant plans on serving a menu where the stews and sauces will be made from at least 75 percent human milk. The owner found his milk donors by putting up ads offering about $5.40 for 14 oz. of milk. Swiss authorities are in a bind because the restaurant seems to have a found a legal loophole, and that's because no legislators ever imagined this situation. "One can cook really delicious things with it. However, it always needs to be mixed with a bit of whipped cream, in order to keep the consistency," says Hans Locher, owner of Storchen in the resort town of Winterthur.

Rapper Nas on Fried Chicken

"After you shower, you and your Gold Medal flour 
Then you rub your hot oil for 'bout a half an hour 
You in your hot tub, I'm looking at you, salivating 
Dry you off, I got your paper towel waiting

...

Don't know what part of you I love best / Your legs or your breasts..."

The phenomenology of M&M's

Edmund Husserl, the great Czech philosopher, once wrote a book called Ideen zu einer reinen Phänomenologie und phänomenologischen Philosophie. Erstes Buch: Allgemeine Einführung in die reine Phänomenologie (Loosely translated: "General Introduction to Phenomenology"). Published in 1913, the book predated the introduction of M&M's by 38 years. It is safe to say that Edmund Husserl never ate an M&M, although he was likely familiar with the broader generis of candy coated beans (Jordan Almonds apparently date back to the 17th century, according to Wikipedia).

When I tried M&M's Premiums, a new product from Mars, Incorporated, I was immediately reminded of Husserl's work.

I don't think anyone really understands Husserl's book, but it has something to do with the independence of the world of ideas and the physical world, and the independence of this world of ideas with, say, the logical world of mathematics. Central to Husserl's thought is the idea of an eidos, or essence. An eidos exists independently of an object or even a class of objects; for example the color red would be an eidos. This leads to questions such as whether these essences can exist independently of consciousness, or whether we have to think of them as essential objects of consciousness, because "red" exists to us as human beings but perhaps not to other creatures. But these questions are for another blog entry.

In the main, as I munched on this new M&M -- or more accurately this new object deemed to be an M&M by Mars, Incorporated -- I wondered, what exactly is the eidos of an M&M? According to the wikipedia, M&M's are "candy-coated pieces of chocolate with the letter "m" inscribed on them, produced by Mars, Incorporated."

Now, this new M&M in fact had no candy coated shell; it was actually strangely soft. It turns out that the chocolate coating is the "coating" on this bean. And the layer of chocolate around the almond was disturbingly thin--to the point where it was nearly undetectable.

I really don't know what the eidos of an M&M is--whether, for example, a candy coated shell is a necessary condition for M&M-ness--but it is safe to say that this new object is not an M&M.

And then just today, I ran into an oblong Oreo with fudge filling. "Perfect for dipping," the package says, as if a round cookie has been a lifelong annoyance to Oreo dippers around the world. At Oreo.com, the brand extensions span 10 pages. What is the eidos of an Oreo?

Haiku

Long words have ruined
The best lines of my haiku.
Sesquipedalian.

From the department of one liners

"Honey, you have more problems than a math book."

"It was so quiet, you could hear a name drop."

How to avoid a stale Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

If you're like me (and who isn't) there's nothing more satisfying than a fresh Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. On the other hand, there's nothing more disgusting than a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup that's past its prime: the shiny patina on the chocolate becomes dull, the normally wonderfully moist and chewy peanut butter filling becomes dry and crumbly.

Unfortunately, the Hershey's distribution system is not particularly well run, and I suspect that some distributors intentionally traffic in stale Peanut Butter Cups. How do you know what the expiration date of a Peanut Butter Cup is? It turns out that every package is stamped with a code, a number and then a letter - for example "8D". The number refers to the year (2008) while the letter refers to the month (D = April, the fourth month and the fourth letter of the alphabet). Why precisely Hershey's keeps this coding a semi-secret is a bit mysterious.

Peanut Butter Cup afficionados point out that one way to avoid a stale Peanut Butter Cup is to buy a Reese's seasonal product, such as the Reese's Peanut Butter Egg, or the more imposing Reester Bunny (one Reester Bunny supplies about half a day's calories). The Peanut Butter Egg, which might be more aptly called a Peanut Butter Log, has its own virtues as well: the higher ratio of peanut butter filling to chocolate is much more satisfying.

Either way, never buy a Peanut Butter Cup that's past its prime! I recommend inspecting your local retailers and reporting those that sell old product to Hershey's (as I have been doing).

We will solve this problem together!

In search of 'Wichcraft's cupcake

Perhaps number two on the List of Things That Irritate me is the "secret recipe." (Number one on the list is the non-recipe recipe; that is, telling someone how you made something but intentionally leaving out key ingredients or parts of the process. Number one is worse than number two because it's both disingenuous and selfish, whereas number two is just selfish.) Certainly everyone has a right to a secret; I'm not disputing that. But, one of my moral axioms is that one should always share knowledge with others that furthers the development of humanity, recipes included. If you have a great brownie recipe, spread it far and wide, for by doing so, you may spare many generations bad brownies. Yes, I suppose if one is in the business of baking those brownies, perhaps then one wouldn't share the recipe, although even then I would make an argument in favor of it.

Those who don't cook a lot are often surprised to find out that published recipe books are often wrong or misleading. One could make a hundred chocolate cakes from a hundred baking books and still not wind up with a perfect chocolate cake; in fact, many of those recipes might wind up being wrong in the same way, because there are actually very few writers that really attempt to perfect their recipes. A corollary: commercial chefs know a lot of things that aren't published in any book. There is a pantheon of knowledge that is simply never or rarely shared. I have inifinite respect to those rare individuals who are both at the top of their craft and are also willing to share with others. If you are both excellent and generous, you are a free spirit in the Nietzschean sense.

Which brings me to cupcakes. For a number of years, I have had a mild obsession with the cream filled chocolate cupcake at 'Wichcraft. In 2005, I wrote on Chowhound:

"Cream filled chocolate cupcake at 'Wichcraft
Visiting from LA - I had an interesting food day today in New York - most of it serendipitous. My initial plan was to have a falafel and lentil soup at Rainbow Falafel on 17th street (I ultimately did, and it was good). On the way, I passed through the farmer's market at Union Square and then 'Wichcraft around the corner.I found the sandwiches at 'Wichcraft fine, but not memorable. However, their cream filled chocolate cupcake was simply incredible. It's not a sweet cupcake, but rather an extremely intense, moist dark chocolate cake (not of the flourless ilk, thankfully) abstemiously filled with lightly sweetened cream, topped with a thin coating of dark chocolate ganche. Memorable. I'd love the recipe if it's been published."

There were no responses to my question. I searched around for recipes by Karen De Masco, 'Wichcraft's pastry chef, and found a few things, including a very wonderful peanut butter sandwich cookie. But no cupcakes.

Last week I was in New York and had a 'Wichcraft cupcake for lunch. I was inspried to ask again on Chowound:

"Chocolate cake recipe like the one in 'Wichcraft's chocolate cupcake
'Wichcraft (locations in SF and New York and possibly elsewhere) has about the best chocolate cupcake I've ever had. It's sort of a very upscale creme filled hostess cupcake. The cake itself has the following characteristics: very moist, fine grained and soft (so I am guessing the butter and flour are mixed directly, a characteristic of fine grained soft cakes), extremely dark and chocolatey. It's quite a dense cake, but it's clearly a cake- the flour is very evident. It almost melts in your mouth. It tastes like it is made with quite high quality chocolate, like a Valrhona.
Anyone have a cake recipe that sounds like this?"

To my surprise, a reply came back a few days later from a poster named MatthewG:

"
Dylan,
Here is a little treat from your friends at ‘wichcraft. The recipe comes compliments of Karen DeMasco, Pastry Chef at craft and craftbar, who originally developed this delicious dessert for us. Enjoy!
‘wichcraft cupcakes (aka devil’s food cake cupcakes)
Yield: 36 cupcakes
1 ½ cups cocoa powder1 ¼ cups warm water
1 ½ cups cake flour1 ½ cups All-Purpose flour1 ¼ teaspoon baking powder1 ½ teaspoon baking soda½ teaspoon salt
1 stick + 2 tablespoons butter3 ½ cups dark brown sugar1 ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
3 eggs
1 ¼ cup buttermilk
Whisk together cocoa and water to make a paste. Sift dry ingredients together. In the bowl of a mixer, cream the butter, sugar, and vanilla. Add in the eggs one at a time followed by cocoa paste. Once combined, alternate adding dry ingredients and buttermilk. Place 24 paper cupcake liners into muffin tins. Fill the liners up to ½-inch from the top and bake at 325ºF for about 25 minutes, turning after the first 12 minutes. Cake should be firm to the touch and when the center is inserted with a knife, it should come out clean.
Cream filling
1 ½ cups heavy cream¼ cup confectioner’s sugar½ teaspoon vanilla extract
In a large mixing bowl, with an electric mixer, whip all of the ingredients to soft peak.
Ganache frosting
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate½ cup corn syrup¾ cup heavy cream
In a saucepot, bring the heavy cream and corn syrup to a boil. In the meantime, with a serrated knife, chop the chocolate into uniform small pieces and place in a mixing bowl. Once the heavy cream and syrup have come to a boil, pour over the chocolate and mix until combined and all chocolate has melted.
Assembly
Fill a piping bag with a small round tip with the Cream Filling. Insert a paring knife through the cupcake liner into the bottoms of each cupcake making an opening big enough to insert the pastry bag tip. Slowly squeeze a bit of whipped cream into cupcake until you feel some resistance.* To frost, dip each cupcake into the warm Ganache Frosting. Swirl them so that top is covered. Set aside to let cool and harden.
*Overfilling causes the cupcake to split or the top to pop off."

I was extremely impressed that MatthewG took the time to respond to my question, and in great detail. I'm looking forward to making these cupcakes for my birthday next week. And Karen De Masco - you are a true free spirit. I hope you write a book one day.